5 Reasons No One Should Be Moving to South Jersey Right Now
Now some of us can agree to disagree on several stances regarding the great state of New Jersey. However, we can all agree that no one likes us, but us. Which is why many out-of-staters have been either moving, or gravitating towards South Jersey in the hopes to feel "in" with the fist pumpers and Wawa lovers (more or less so to get closer to the beach).
But besides the beautiful beaches, luscious tomatoes and produce, great wine and 4 seasons; South Jersey definitely isn't all it's cracked up be. There's definitely some reasons why no one should move here right now and here's 5 of them:
According to USGS, an earthquake is created when two blocks of the earth suddenly slip past one another. In simpler terms, it's when the earth has a growth spurt and needs some shifting. But just like our drippy castles in the sand, South Jersey holds that split between land and water which makes us very susceptible to earthquakes. In which case, the aftershock is quite concerning considering we're so close to the ocean! Tsunami's are definitely of high risk for our locals on the shore front and it's definitely calls for reconsideration when contemplating moving here. *See disclaimer at bottom of page*
The number 1 killer of South Jerseyans living in the 609. Our poor state is so overpopulated with these frantic creatures that dart onto our Parkway and Turnpike, causing several accidents! *See disclaimer at bottom of page*
3. Lack of Food
Many people don't know this, but the term "Garden State" is a apocryphal. Regardless of how great our tomatoes, blueberries and other produce may seem; Global warming is making it difficult for the seasonal produce to sprout up in it's entirety. We're all gonna starve soon! *See disclaimer at bottom of page*
4. High Crime Rates
We hear stories on the news DAILY about crime going on in South Jersey, and yes--given those things happen everywhere; BUT, here in South Jersey, we have a serial bandit that no one can seem to catch the reigns on and his name is the Jersey Devil. *See disclaimer at bottom of page*
5. Swine Flu
A popular vacationing spot is always the beach. Which is why those who retire often bounce back and fourth from the south jersey beaches to Mexico, depending on the season. Here in South Jersey, we're still battling the 2009 influenza pandemic with a roaring 65 new cases just this year. *See disclaimer at bottom of page*
1. Sure we've had like one or two earthquakes, but there's legit no scientific fact to back this up.
2. Yeah we have deer, but you're probably more likely to die a Wawa food coma than a deer (fact also not scientifically proven).
3. This is a complete fabrication--South Jersey is fresher and better than ever!
4. First things first, our Police forces in South Jersey are some of the BEST in the nation. So crime is thoroughly contained. BUT has anyone ever seen the Jersey Devil? Nope, but we love to blame him for everything.
5. This is a total lie. Absolutely fictional.
**The point of this article: Absolutely nothing. Other than a sorry attempt to shoo away the shoobies for the summer.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!
(yes this entire article is a joke...South Jersey ROCKS!)