Spidernado! What if Those Airborne Spiders Met the Weekend Bomb Cyclone Over NJ!
Given all of the bizarre stuff that we've had to deal with over the past two years, I'm shocked that this didn't actually happen.
By now, I'm sure you've heard of the Joro spider, which is supposed to be making its way towards the Garden State this year.
If you haven't, this type of spider is native to Japan, but it made its way across the planet via container ships. They've been enjoying life in and around Georgia lately, but now they're headed this way, apparently. Scientists think they're getting ready to go up I-95 because they use their webs as tiny parachutes and they ride the wind.
Side note: In any other year, windsurfing parachuting spiders from Japan would be the craziest thing you've ever heard, but we've dealt with so much stuff lately that this doesn't really even seem to phase us.
Anyway, these spiders look creepy (as do almost all spiders) but they're not too dangerous. In fact, they might be good at reducing some unwanted pests around here.
Meanwhile, you may have heard that this weekend, we might be dealing with a "bomb cyclone" here in New Jersey.
What is a "bomb cyclone?" It's a rapidly intensifying storm. Like the spiders, the name sounds scary but we deal with big coastal storms all of the time. Rain, wind, maybe some snow. You know the drill. Don't park your car where it floods and ShopRite will be crazy-busy as people buy stuff that they already have.
So, those two stories got me thinking this morning -- what would happen if those parachuting airborne spiders met the bomb cyclone?! Holy cow, we'd have our own real-life "Sharknado"-like movie playing out right here in New Jersey.
Just think of the B-level Jersey-native celebrities that we would have to recruit to save us from certain ruin (or at least flying spiders smacking you in the face) like in those awful SyFy movies.
Actor playing Governor Murphy: "Hello, Snooki? We have a situation!"
Actress playing Snooki: "I know him!"
Actor playing Governor Murphy: "No... (sigh) nevermind."
I'm sorry, but once I got an image of parachuting spiders in a wind storm in my mind this morning, I couldn't stop thinking of this becoming the next ready-for-basic-cable blockbuster.
What would we call this event?
Quick -- someone call Jim Cantore!
Of course, as ridiculous as this all sounds, given everything that has come our way over the past two years -- a global pandemic, $4+ gas, toilet paper shortages, etc. -- bomb-cyclone-surfing parachuting spiders from Japan doesn't seem like that far of a stretch.
And, yes, I know. This is the most ridiculous thing you've probably read all day. At the very least, hopefully, it took your mind off of the real world for a moment.
Watch out for those spiders. And if anyone from SyFy Channel reads this, I get a cut of the royalties.