Headlines We'd See if The Onion Did a South Jersey Edition

If you haven't heard of it before, The Onion is a popular fake news site. Actually, it was fake news before fake news was cool.

The Onion began as a print publication back in the 1980s, but when the internet started to roll, they rolled with it, online.

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According to Wikipedia,
"The Onion's articles cover current events, both real and fictional, parodying the tone and format of traditional news organizations with stories, editorials, and man-on-the-street interviews using a traditional news website layout and an editorial voice modeled after that of the Associated Press. The publication's humor often depends on presenting mundane, everyday events as newsworthy, surreal, or alarming...."

So, we got to thinking, what kind of headlines would we see if they did a special South Jersey edition. So, what follows are "actual fake headlines."

Bigfoot Family Found Living in the Woods in Mike Trout's Hometown

Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images/Canva

The funny thing is, this is like a real, actual headline! There's a YouTuber who believes there is a Bigfoot family living in Millville!
Art of the Re-Buy: Donald Trump Scoops up Borgata and Hard Rock, Eyes Return to Atlantic City

Google Maps/Elsa/Getty Images

Seems far fetched, but maybe not so much.....

Actor Bradley Cooper to Run For Mayor of Atlantic City.

Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images/ Google Maps

Look, the guy has family in Brigantine. In the last few years he's been spotted in everywhere from Brigantine to Ocean City, and Cape May. Maybe it's time for the actor to leave the big screen and throw down some roots!

Great White Shark Attacks Luke Bryan on the Atlantic City Beach.

Canva/Jerry Markland/Getty Images

Hey! The country singer and American Idol Judge is playing the Atlantic City Beach in August. Sharks live in the water, just off the beach. Never will this be closer to happening than in Atlantic City!

Egg Harbor Township Declared Dollar Store Capital of the USA!

Canva

Um, we might already be there.
COVID-ONLY Housing Opens in Galloway Township

Canva

People figure they're eventually going to get it, might as well jump in feet first....
Cape May Lighthouse Changes its Name to Betty White

Google Maps/Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

In a show of fondness, the Cape May Lighthouse Operators find a way to always remember America's favorite TV actress.

Magician Brings Lucy the Elephant to Life, She Promptly Runs Out Into the Ocean and Drowns

TSM/Canva

Truly a sad day, indeed.

Panera Bread to Open 6 Locations in Atlantic, Cape May, and Cumberland Counties

Google maps/Canva

Fake news in its finest form...

New Jersey Votes to Eliminate Pennsylvania Drivers From Road

Canva

Rather ominous, isn't it.

Ocean City Plans Non-Alcoholic Beer Fest

Canva

Well, it is a dry town, right?

Cast of Jersey Shore Killed in Atlantic City Axe Throwing Bar

Jason Kempin/Getty Images/Canva

We really couldn't presume it was an accident, could we?

Source: The Onion and Wkipedia

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