Feeling like a 'milk machine' and worried she wasn't living up to expectations as a new mom, Vanessa Lachey battled baby blues.  Now, five months after giving birth to son Camden (dad is Nick Lachey), Vanessa's opening up about her struggle.

Lachey recalls how blissful she was the day she brought her first child into the world, even after 14 hours of labor and three hours of pushing.

But the first night Vanessa’s nurse left her to feed her baby boy on her own, she overslept and missed Camden's 9 a.m. feeding.   Speaking exclusively to People.com Lachey says, “I didn’t hear him cry (because he didn’t) and I didn’t wake up because who sets an alarm the next morning after giving birth?” she says.

“I immediately sat up in bed and had a panic attack. Why did my maternal instinct not kick in and wake myself to feed him … I proceeded to take him out of his bed and feed him. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. My hopes and dreams of being the perfect ‘natural’ mother were shattered.”


new mom Vanessa Lachey holding son Camden/photo courtesy of Vanessa Lachey

Then, two weeks after being home with her baby son, Vanessa’s world slowly began to unravel.

“I was sick of feeling like a milk machine. I loved my bonding time with Camden … But also there were times when he was crying of hunger … Then when Camden was done eating, I wasn’t able to lay and cuddle with him,” she recalls.

“I had to give him back to all the well-wishers who wanted to hold him and love him, and I sat and waited for the next feeding, where I would do it all again … I was constantly thinking about how I would have to give him up at the end of the feeding.”

After spending a much needed day focusing on herself, she apologized to husband Nick Lachey for coming undone.

She explains, “I was sorry for the weeks of losing myself, and sorry I can’t do it ALL like I thought I could.”

For more on how Vanessa Lachey overcame her postpartum depression, read her interview with People.

Vanessa's hubby Nick Lachey will reunite with his 98 Degrees band mates this July 26th when the group plays Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City alongside New Kids on the Block and Boyz II Men.